Tone Exercise #2
Due: Friday, Sept. 19
descriptive paragraph below* to convey a particular tone.
Follow the instructions below.
1. To do
this, you should not totally obliterate (destroy) what the paragraph is trying to
DO NOT change “The
color of the shell is white and caramel brown.” to “The color of the shell
is puke green and urine yellow.” (Although this revision certainly conveys
a strong tone, it loses accuracy in the description of the object by totally
changing the colors.)
DO NOT change “It
…looks like a pen.” to “It looks like mashed rat’s brains.” (Again, while
tone is strong, you’ve lost accuracy in describing the shape of the shell.)
DO maintain the
basic ideas like color, shape, texture, and so on. However, add
adjectives, use more specific color words, and choose more clearly
connotated ideas to make the basic description communicate your
feelings about the shell in the paragraph. For example, you could describe
a girl as having long, black hair; but if you were jealous of her, you might
describe her as having long, snake-like locks that poison men with their
black venom. (In this example, you’ve maintained that she has “long” and
“black” hair, which is the basic idea behind the original
ONE of the following “tones” to convey in your revised paragraph. Write
this “tone” at the top of your paper.
DISGUSTED w/ the
shell OVERJOYED w/ the shell
IN LOVE w/ the
shell TERRIFIED by the shell
3. Read the
paragraph below. Decide what is a basic idea that MUST be kept,
brainstorm ways of re-describing the shell to convey your chosen tone (you
can write these ideas down as pre-writing notes), and then write your
REVISED paragraph on a separate sheet of paper.
* The color of the
shell is white and brown. The tip is black and looks like a pen. It looks
like a slide that swirls around. The shell looks like it has a white
background with caramel clouds like a giraffe’s skin. It feels smooth. The
opening of the shell looks like an eye and the inside is white.