The Abandoned Farmhouse Sample Class Paragraph with Revision Notes   Below is a sample paragraph written by a 9th grade class after the introduction of the Abandoned Farmhouse activity.        As I step onto the front porch, I sense wet, old wood that smells like mildew.  Off in the distance a dog barks, berk!  There are ants crawling all over the porch, and they sound crunchy like chips under my shoes.  To the left of the porch there's a scarecrow like the one in The Children of the Corn standing in the middle of a field of withered corn.  To the right, there's a small pond where birds are landing to rest and drink.  I take a step and almost twist my ankle because the floor boards of the porch sink and dip.  A rocking chair creaks in the corner, rocking back and forth, even though no one is in it.     After this paragraph was written, the class discussed mood.  Clearly, the mood in the paragraph above shifts several times.  The class decided which sentences where the most descriptive and communicated the clearest mood, then selected from them the one sentence they really wanted to keep.  The students chose the fourth sentence and decided to work through the paragraph to see which other sentences had the same mood, a freaky mood.  Students decided that any sentence that didn't work with the established mood needed to be cut or revised.  The paragraph appears again below with the students' notes.  The bolded sentences were chosen as sentences to keep.        As I step onto the front porch, I sense wet, old wood that smells like mildew. [Note: This should be revised to better convey the mood.] Off in the distance a dog barks, berk!  [Note: This sentence should be cut.  We want the reader to feel totally alone.]  There are ants crawling all over the porch, and they sound crunchy like chips under my shoes. [Note: This sentence could be cut or revised to better fit the mood.  The simile right now makes it too funny/happy.]  To the left of the porch there's a scarecrow like the one in The Children of the Corn standing in the middle of a field of withered corn.  To the right, there's a small pond where birds are landing to rest and drink. [Note: This sentence should be cut or be completely revised.  It's too peaceful.]   I take a step and almost twist my ankle because the floor boards of the porch sink and dip.  A rocking chair creaks in the corner, rocking back and forth, even though no one is in it.