name: ___________________________________

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Descriptive Rewrite and Tone Exercise #2b

Individual Shell Description Rewrite


Now that you’ve experimented with tone and creating more detailed descriptions, it’s time to take a look at the first writing you’ve done for this class this year:  the descriptive piece you wrote on a shell.


Your task is to revise your shell description by doing a thorough rewrite with tone in mind.  Follow the steps below:


1.       Read through the description you’ve written carefully several times.

2.       Retrieve your shell from Ms. Spachman.  Examine it closely again, and then read through your description looking for words or phrases you’ve already included in your description that you will want to stay true to in your rewrite.  Use one of your highlighters to mark these words and phrases.

3.       Next, find one to three descriptions you’ve already included that you feel are very descriptive (they help create a picture of the shell &/or clearly help create an emotional experience connected to the shell).  Underline these descriptions or highlight them in another color.  You might want to keep these descriptions.

4.       Now comes the fun part.  The main point of this exercise is for you to play with language and take an attitude in your rewrite about the shell.  You can choose to go with a sincere feeling (the way you actually feel about the shell), or you can try something more creative:  take an attitude you normally wouldn’t have toward the shell.  Go through your tone list and choose the tone you’d like to try.  Record that tone word here:



5.       Do some brainstorming!  Pick 2-3 of your “stay true” words/phrases and do some brainstorming.  How could you say them differently to convey the tone you picked?  Don’t forget to consider associations; these associations are vitally important in helping you create a noticeable attitude.

6.       Finally, it’s time to write.  Don’t feel tied to reinventing everything that was written in your original description (Remember, just stay true to the “stay true” words.).  Take some time with this.  I recommend writing at least 2 non-final drafts.  Try out your first draft on someone without telling them what tone you were going for.  See if that person can pick up on your attitude.  Then make changes as needed for the 2nd draft.  Check this draft carefully for mistakes and errors.  (Don’t become a MUG shot! J)  LAST, neatly write your final, beautifully brilliant and attitude-filled description on the back of this page.  IF you prefer, you may type your description and staple it to this sheet.

7.       STAPLE YOUR DRAFTS AND YOUR ORIGINAL DESCRIPTION to this sheet to turn in with your re-write.


Your rewritten description will be graded as follows:


Has the student…



Turned in his/her ORIGINAL description and at least one non-final draft with his/her final draft? (10 pts.)





Labeled the tone s/he was going for in the directions or at the top of the final draft? (5 pts.)




Substantially improved his/her writing to make it more descriptive? (12 pts.)




Clearly taken an attitude (that matches attempted tone) in describing the shell? (13 pts.)




Successfully achieved the tone s/he was going for? (10 pts.)




Presented a polished final draft free of silly errors (missing words, repeated words, missing periods, etc.)? (5 pts.)



This writing assignment is due on:





name: ___________________________________

attempted tone: __________________________


Individual Shell Description Rewrite:  FINAL DRAFT